Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
