The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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