plz talk dirty to me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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