I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
