Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
