listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
