Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
