don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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