god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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