i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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