That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
