She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
