Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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