dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm too high and old for this...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
