I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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