i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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