Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
