I got chris browned last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize