you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
