I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We left the knife in your bed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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