Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
