please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
