I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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