I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
