Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
