The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
