Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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