I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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