bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
