I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
