why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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