I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
