My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
