I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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