I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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