I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
