$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
