there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
