Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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