I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
