And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
