did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
