Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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