my room smells like sperm. sweet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
