so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
