NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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