I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
