Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
