The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize