i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
