you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you win again, gameday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
