are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
