where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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