now i know why i became what i already was.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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