i don't like sucking hair
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
