im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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