We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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