god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
