my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
