i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
