I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
