Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
