Your face is a jimmy john
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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