fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
