I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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